The Intention

 In The Name of Allah, The Most Merciful and The Most Gracious

This picture was taken right after the self-talk at Masjidil Nabawi

Salam and Hi!

    Right now I'm currently in my college, alone and been wanting to wrote this post since yesterday actually, but keep procrastinate and here I am. I don't know where to begin this post, but let us just begin with random thing haha.

    Last month, Alhamdulillah, a lot praises to Allah for allowing my family and I as His guests to the holy cities, Mecca and Madinah. I still missed the vibes of these two cities. Wishing to visit there again in future. Before as start, as usual, all things in this post is only my thought and experience okay. I am not a professional scholar and of course, you will find lots of grammatical error as well haha.

    Let's go back to our main story. When I was on the way to the airport, I had lots of thought actually. Before this, I prayed to Allah, please let me visit the holy cities before my last breathe. So yeah, I was thinking whether should I return to Malaysia or not, will I die in these holy cities, is Allah will granting my dua'. Silly right? Then, I had a self talk to myself, I must return to Malaysia because there are a lot of things that haven't settle yet. I still need to give contribution to my family and society because I haven't done any of this.

    When I arrived at Madinah, I was really blurred with the situation. Lack of emotion to be exact. I could not enjoyed my worship to the Lord. I even talked this matter with my friend that I was worried because I felt something wrong with inner me. The funny thing is, when I remember this moment, I was at Masjidil Nabawi and instead of telling my creator about my worries, I chose to talk to human. Right after I chat my friend, I performing Taubat prayer first. Still, feeling myself just a shell. Followed with Hajat prayer. The weird thing is, the Hajat prayer feeling like Taubat prayer because when I was recite Al-Fatihah, suddenly I felt sad. I made few stop among the ayah because that feeling and my tears started to fall. The feeling of so tiny, sorry and thankful to Him for accepting me to be His guest, giving me chance to breathing and worshiping to Him. I believe that everyone has a secret that only known by yourself and Allah, cause I have too. I ended to cry a lot during Hajat prayer and He treated me, He fills the emptiness in me.

    After that, I talked to Him and have a self talk. So the inner me telling myself to set the intention of coming to the holy cities is for worshiping to Him, and try to stay away from social medias. That was the way to protect and keep the heart alive. That's why I didn't or just post few stories in my Instagram and WhatsApp status, to keep my heart alive and enjoyment of worshiping exist. 

    There is one sentence that my inner-self telling me; 'Apabila jalan kau seakan tersasar, kembali semula kepada niat'. I think that's why in every prayer or even ibadah that we will perform, it starts with intention. Because when you have set your intention, your unconscious mind will align the action with the intention. And even when you feel lost, you will look back on your reason for start.

    For me, whenever I want to do something or when I do something, the inner me will asked myself, why you do that? What is your intention of doing that action? Is it necessary? Is it in line with the intention? It become really helpful when I have to make the decision, especially in choosing between two. I have a complex thought, so having the intention is important for me. Actually, I want to tell more about my experience during minor pilgrimage but it required lots of vocabulary hahahaha. If not, I have to write it in 'bahasa rojak'.

   Lastly, I hope you also will refer to your intention when things becoming hard for you and may you achieve your goals! Hope you will have a good day ahead and all the best ;)